"But I've been 'transitioning' for the past 5 years..."
Did you ever notice that “transition” has the word “sit” in it? I find that ironic. Or maybe it is poetically perfect, given that sitting is just about all I seem to be doing: sitting and debating.
The thought process behind making a massive decision is one that we usually keep to ourselves. People don’t go around publicly hashing out their options and how they are feeling about the repercussions of their actions. We do this privately, with ourselves and perhaps a few close friends; and then make a public declaration of our decision after it has been made. Tim has done this. I, however, don’t think I can. I don’t think I can do much these days. I have a huge choice to make: move with my dear friends, my adopted family to the USA or stay in London and look for a new job/place to live. I’ve been going over this, talking about it, losing sleep over it for weeks. It’s haunting me, it’s consuming me, it’s killing me. It is all I think about.
My head hurts.
I could leave my church, to be honest…even though I adore it. I could leave it. I haven’t been that involved for the past month or so anyway; so it wouldn’t be this big thing, I think. I never really see my friends anymore. If I stayed, I’d probably just work all the time and save money. True, there would probably be the occasional Friday evening meet-up with Nicky and her other half Ben, or a weekend away visiting my friends in Northern Ireland; but I would most likely get pretty lonely. But I would be getting rich whilst being lonely, and I think that’s a fair trade-off. And it could just be for a year. But then, I want to be in London long-term, and if there’s a time to go back to the States for a couple years, it’s now. But it’s definitely harder to move back here once I’ve gone back to the States. Although—I did it once; I can do it again, right? And does that really mean that I’ll never live in America again?? Without knowing that she was saying it, my sister mentioned—twice—how I was going to miss my nephew’s childhood if I stayed here, and how he wouldn’t know me. Brutal. But kind of true.
But how am I going to MAKE MONEY in the States? What suck-away-your-soul-and-any-lingering-dignity job am I going to find that allows me to save up enough money to move to London, England, in a year or two? I am not ready to be done with London! But then, I may never be.
“Fear not, for I bring you good news of great joy…” Fear not... Fear not... Whatever I do, I will be taken care of. Whatever I do, I will be ok.
But I will be in different places, surrounded by different people and different things. I will be on different paths. I will be headed in different directions. I know that this decision is going to impact my life; it’s going to change things in a big way and probably irreparably, and the weight of that fact is crushing me.
I am completely at a loss. Leave the people I love to stay in London, or leave the first place I’ve ever felt at home in my entire life to be with my friends? I cannot imagine living with anyone other than Tim and Jamie. I cannot imagine living anywhere other than London. Unfortunately, one of those nightmares is about to come true.
But which one?
In any event, Happy Boxing Day.
Browsers, Blog hosts, and...Hobbitses?
So, my regular browser hasn't been letting me access Blogger for a couple weeks; I've had to switch to Safari to even log in today. Methinks it may have to become my new default browser, but for some reason I feel like I am betraying the ol' Tried and True, you know?
Why is this a problem for me? Normal people don't wrestle with things like this, do they? [sigh]
Anyway, all I have time to post right now is a YouTube gem I found through
Twingly whilst shopping around for new blog hosts. Enjoy it, and revel in your nerd-osity. I did.
What? It makes me laugh, ok? Also, check out The Office remix... which coincides nicely with my recent obsession over all things Office.
And by "Office" I mean "John Krasinski."
Labels: Taking the Hobbits to Isengard, YouTube meme
Viva La Revolution!
So, I was at The Yoga Show this past weekend when a slight, balding guy in white walked up to me as I was browsing the reading materials presented at his booth and asked,
“Would you like to be a part of our world-wide peace revolution?”
Now, while I didn’t agree to be a member of
his specific group [although he was very sweet and gave me a free badge, the giant crystal in the middle of a circle of cushions—“the Sacred Space” as it were—turned me off]; the more I thought about it, the more I though,
Yes! That is exactly what I am looking to become a part of! And—if I may bring my personal faith into it—I feel that it is my responsibility, my duty, to bring about just that: a world-wide peace revolution! And while we will never fully bring about that dream, we can at least make strides in the right direction. Strides away from oppression perpetrated by willing ignorance, away from egotism and delusions of immortality.
I was searching for something amongst my old journals the other day, and happened upon a desperate scribbling about my generation’s lack of innovators. In fact, one entire page is simply the question, “
Where are all the revolutionaries?!” in big, dark letters. As much as I shy away from talking politics (despite England trying in earnest to break me of that), I have to admit the topic of revolution brings to mind the person of Barack Obama. If elected, is he going to accomplish all that he has promised during his campaign? Of course not! I’m a realist: the man is not “the Messiah,” not the be-all-and-end-all…he’s just a man. But while watching him debate and listening to his speeches, some of my optimism has been renewed. Many people have likened him to JFK or his brother Bobby; and while I’m not sure about going quite that far, there is definitely some Kennedy-esque electricity about him. Obama is charismatic, he is charming and disarming. He is the kind of orator that makes the common man get excited about governmental issues—no small feat! He has his draw-backs, his bad habits and dirty little secrets. I expect no less from any politician; but even tempered with that reality there is something very exciting about the possibility of being a part of history, being a part of a movement that inspires me. Being a part of a world-wide revolution.
Labels: Obama, peace, revolution
Take A Look, It's In A Book...
I visited the British Library for the first time on Saturday, and it absolutely BLEW my MIND! First of all, I can’t for the life of me understand how I’ve lived in London for two years and never visited the British Library. I mean, the British Museum is probably my favourite place in the city; and the Library is the Museum of books! And we all know how I feel about books, right? So why this weekend was my maiden voyage through those wrought-iron gates I do not know. But anyway. This place was ridiculous; it was borderline surreal. In one glass case—one case!—were all these original manuscripts, most handwritten…Beowulf, Bronte, Lewis Carroll, Plath, Hughes, Jane Austen’s final two chapters of Persuasion displayed on her writing desk!!! This place has the MAGNA CARTA, for crying out loud! And the Codex Sinaiticus! I saw Beethoven’s tuning fork, a house drawn by William Shakespeare, Beatles’ lyrics scribbled on the back of a birthday card, and one of De Vinci’s sketch books. I could go on and on...and we only visited ONE ROOM! Ok, enough. Enough nerdy joy, enough exclamation points. :)
ANYWAY
All this to say…I love London. I love free museums and accessible public transportation and corner shops. I love daily free papers and internet grocery shopping and the possibility of running into Jamie Oliver on the street. I just…I love it. ♥
What I do NOT love is flippin' sunset at 4.15 pm! [sigh] Blasted winter...
Labels: history, London
[Song]birds of Paradise
Last month I saw Sarah Howells perform at The Basement Door in Richmond (brainchild of my friend Katie Thompson), and I was blown away. She is petite, witty, and one-half of the band Halflight.
I am a little in love with the track “Lifelight”—although I find it awkwardly titled, considering the band name. Ah well… [shrugs]
I feel the need to also direct you to my lovely friend Mel's music site, since we’re promoting singer/songwriters today. She is truly fabulous! Plus, she has an amazing heart for social justice; and as a result her material is incredibly pertinent…it’s about REAL life and REAL issues. (Also, it sounds really good!) What are you waiting for? Give ‘er a listen!
Labels: Halflight, Mel Wiggins, Sarah Howells
The Pizza Man Always Rings Twice?
In the UK this week there have been reports aplenty that Pizza Hut is undergoing a major re-branding. They are changing the menu, the restaurant interior, and—can you believe it—even the name! Out of the dust and rubble of stuffed-crust dreams, “book it!” cards, and personal pan pizzas comes...
Pasta Hut!
Now, after some internet research I’ve discovered that, in the States, Pizza Hut announced this name change last April Fool’s Day; but later rescinded, saying it was a promotional stunt to broadcast its new Tuncani pasta dishes. Scott Bergren, president and CEO of Pizza Hut, said: "The launch of Tuscani Pastas marks a new day for Pizza Hut, and what better way to grab people's attention than with some tomfoolery. We committed a tremendous amount of resources to our Pasta Hut hijinx, including new signage on our corporate headquarters, a national ad campaign and a re-branding of our web site. We believe these efforts show our true level of excitement about these new pasta offerings from Pizza Hut."
So, could PH
possibly be trying to pull the same prank twice?! If so, shame on them! You can’t think of any original ways to generating buzz so you think, “
Hey! Remember that bit we did a couple of months ago about changing our name? That worked well—why don’t we just try that again?” I mean, come on, guys…doesn’t it kinda take the fun out of it if we see it coming? And if
not, all this talk about “tomfoolery” and “hijinx” is going to be really embarrassing for them.
(And more than a little anti-climactic, no?)
Labels: Pizza Hut, publicity stunt
Treasure Today
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Today (right now, actually) is the funeral of my co-worker and friend, Anna Salhani.
Newspaper article: "'Caring' women die in car crash"I will never forget hearing those words from the other end of the telephone: “they’re dead.” I never thought that two little non-tangible words could literally knock the wind out of me. Please remember Mercy and Anna’s families during this unimaginable time.
You just never know, do you? You never know when your last “today” will be...
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